nokiabae:

my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night

172,669 notes   -  24 July 2014

irishwolfling:

unclefather:

What does this mean

um we’ve all seen hannah montana i think we know what this means


middlechildswag:

Kanye West attempting to seduce Kanye West.


verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

142,033 notes   -  23 July 2014


52,685 notes   -  23 July 2014

bonerfart:

idonotneedthisrightnow:

you are acute coffee pie

you are narrow, scalding and irrational


julianocasabranca:

FUN STORY: my grandma lives in a city that was currently taken over by drug dealers and gangs and it’s now divided in two and my grandma is the oNLY CITIZEN IN THE WHOLE CITY who can go walking freely through both sides of the town because she used to do community work and feed the poor kids and those gang members were all fed by her so they let her come and go as she wants SO WHAT WE LEARN TODAY IS TO BE FUCKING NICE TO KIDS BC U MIGHT BE DEALING W FUTURE GANG MEMBERS

311,028 notes   -  23 July 2014

flukeoffate:

gingahninjah:

sliced bread is the greatest thing since betty white

Reblogging for that comment


anymannymore:

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTTLE STAR

HOW IWONDER WHERE U R 

UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH

HIGHER THAN A MOTHERFUCKA 

image

210,393 notes   -  22 July 2014


growlithes:

Squidward kept this shit real

327,951 notes   -  22 July 2014



this is my favorite internet phenomenon that i have experienced since i joined tumblr three years ago.

this is literally the best thing

347,625 notes   -  22 July 2014

joshpeck:

when you’re on the computer all night so you lose track of time and you hear the birds start to chirp outside

image

3,545 notes   -  22 July 2014

stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.



hecallsmepineappleprincess:

I died laughing for 8 million years

295,758 notes   -  22 July 2014